And then the fight started .....

After retiring, I went to Centrelink to apply for an old age pension. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Centrelink office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

The man comes home with a new pair of Cowboy Boots. He proudly walks around the house keeping them on, but his wife doesn't seem to notice them.

Eventually he takes all his clothes off, walks back into the kitchen with just his new boots on and says: "Darling, do you notice anything?"

She says "Yes, dear its hanging down as usual".

Annoyed, he retorts "Well, it's pointing to my new boots!!"

"You should rather have bought a new hat" she says...

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked: "Do you know her?'' "Yes", I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started.....

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

And then the fight started.....

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started... .

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed; scared and naked he jumped out the window like a man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"

And then the fight started...

Aus dem Internet, google mal "and then the fight started"

The little boy watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and his
school teacher in a passionate embrace.

The little boy found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground
and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with the school teacher. I went back to look and he was giving the teacher a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then school teacher helped Daddy take his pants off, then the teacher...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Son, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked her little boy to tell his story. He started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with the school teacher. I went back to look and he was giving the teacher a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then the school teacher helped Daddy take his pants off, then the school teacher and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and the headmaster used to do when Daddy was away on the rigs.'

And then the fight started......

And then the fight started.....

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst... my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said: "'From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you.................." And then the fight started.....

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the
channels.

She asked "What's on the TV?"

I said "Dust."

And then the fight started.....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said: "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered:"The weather out there is terrible!"

My loving wife of 10 years replied: "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started .....

Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of romantically telling her this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day'.

Willing to try anything, She gets a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. 'How long will this take?' she asks.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' her husband replies.
She stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he said 'Worked for your bum, didn't it?'

And then the fight started.......