Englische Bewerbung?

Kann einer der fast native-speaker da mal drüberschauen?

***

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

Xxxxxx is my name. I am working at xxxxx in Germany since several years and im interested to move to Australia and become part of your team.

When I speak to colleagues in Australia they are just delighted in what they tell me around xxxxxx Australia. Your Industry skill, especially in xxxx, is exactly what I have in mind when I think about working at a professional company providing professional services in Down Under.

You can learn more about my working experience in my enclosed resume/CV. I worked mostly in the area of xxx as a Consultant/Project Lead/Product Manager.

For further information, please feel free to contact me at anytime. I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon and to learn more about xxxxxx.

I would like to ask you to handle this email and the contained information internal & trustfully.

Sincerely,

***

Zitat

Original von Steuerzahler
Kann einer der fast native-speaker da mal drüberschauen?

***

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

Xxxxxx is my name. I am working at xxxxx in Germany since several years and im interested to move to Australia and become part of your team.
[color=deeppink] My name is xxxx. I have been working in Germany for several years, and am interested in moving to Australia and becoming pat of your team.[/color]

When I speak to colleagues in Australia they are just delighted in what they tell me around xxxxxx Australia. Your Industry skill, especially in xxxx, is exactly what I have in mind when I think about working at a professional company providing professional services in Down Under.
[color=deeppink]When speaking to colleagues in Australia they say their Australian experiences are really good. Your company profile and the professional services provided is exactly what I envisage for a future career Down Under [/color]

You can learn more about my working experience in my enclosed resume/CV. I worked mostly in the area of xxx as a Consultant/Project Lead/Product Manager.
[color=deeppink]You can find more information about my work experience in the attached CV. I have been working mostly in the area of xxxx as a Consultant/Project Lead/Product Manager.[/color]

For further information, please feel free to contact me at anytime. I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon and to learn more about xxxxxx.
[color=deeppink]For further information please contact me at any time. I would appreciate your interest and look forward to hearing from you in the near future and to learn more about xxxx[/color]

I would like to ask you to handle this email and the contained information internal & trustfully.

[color=deeppink]I would also appreciate this email being treated in confidence.[/color]

Sincerely,
[color=deeppink]Yours sincerely,[/color]

***

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Am besten gib mir den deutschen Text, ich mach dir ein Übersetzungsvorschlag.

Denke aber auch das der Text möglich nicht so "gut" sein sollte weil er einen falschen Eindruck über deine Englischkenntnisse vortäuscht. Es ist vielleicht ich lass den Text etwas "deutsch-Englisch", und sehe nur zu, dass keine wichtigen Fehler im Text sind.

Gruss,

Hans

Danke für deinen Vorschlag....kurze Fragen ->

I have been working in Germany for several years <- impliziert das nicht dass ich nicht mehr bei dieser Firma/in diesem Bereich bin?

Ansonsten gefäält mir vor allem der letzte Satz gut "I would also appreciate this email being treated in confidence."

Steuerzahler

Nee, das würde dann heißen "I had been working...".

"I have been in Australia for 5 years" heißt ich bin seit 5 Jahren in Australien, und bin noch da.

"I have been working since several years.." ist einfach falsch; mit since muss man ein festen Zeitpunkt angeben so wie "since October 2001".

thx!